


Not Love, But That's OK

by Averagefangirl93



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 08:06:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8616169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Averagefangirl93/pseuds/Averagefangirl93
Summary: Will is confused. He feels lonely even when he is surrounded by people and somehow he keeps finding himself standing at the door of that house by the Thames. Magnus wants to turn him away, he knows that Will is using him, that he only comes to him because he has no one else to turn to. Every time Will leaves a tiny piece of Magnus’ immortal heart breaks and he swears to himself that the next time Will comes knocking he will turn him away or not answer at all. But all it takes is one look into those endless blue eyes, full of pain and loneliness, and he is stepping aside, watching the dark haired boy disappear into the study he prefers for his visits, as it is less intimate than the bedroom.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have never posted or written anything before so I'm a bit nervous! I found an old notebook with half of this story written about 6 years ago, so I decided to finish it. 
> 
> I wanted to end it with smut, as I always enjoy stories that end that way, but I'm not convinced I can do it justice. Maybe a smutty chapter 2 at some point.
> 
> I haven't read the books in years so sorry if the characterisation is off. 
> 
> The mature warning is just to be on the safe side, I was stuck between that and teen. And I didn't do an underage as Will is of age according to UK law where this is set and I live.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!!

Will is confused. He feels lonely even when he is surrounded by people and somehow he keeps finding himself standing at the door of that house by the Thames. Magnus wants to turn him away, he knows that Will is using him, that he only comes to him because he has no one else to turn to. Every time Will leaves a tiny piece of Magnus’ immortal heart breaks and he swears to himself that the next time Will comes knocking he will turn him away or not answer at all. But all it takes is one look into those endless blue eyes, full of pain and loneliness, and he is stepping aside, watching the dark haired boy disappear into the study he prefers for his visits, as it is less intimate than the bedroom.

On this cold November night, Will was eating dinner at the Institute with everybody else. He was in a particularly foul mood and was trying his hardest to bring everybody else down with him.

“How is training going, Tessa?” asked Charlotte, attempting polite dinner conversation.

“Fine, thank you. I’m picking up the throwing knives but still having some trouble with a sword” she replied, with a modest smile.

“Well, I’m sure our mechanical friends will wait until you’re all trained up and ready for them before they attack again” Will sniped, looking across at Tessa, challenging her to rise to the bait. Tessa looked back down at her food. Jem spoke up from Will’s left to defend her from Will’s venom,

“That’s enough, William” he said, barely looking up from his own food as he didn’t want to give Will the rise he was so obviously trying for. Will’s eyes bore into the side of Jem’s face, then back to the top of Tessa’s head opposite him,

“You’re right. I have had enough.” Will said, throwing his chair back so fast that Jessamine let out a squeak of surprise and leaving the dining room.

Will had to get out of there, he could feel the familiar fire rising within his chest, the one that always burned every time Jem looked at Tessa, or touched her, or defended her. Before she had arrived, Jem had been all his. Now, every time he sees them together, laughing or exchanging smiling glances, a fire of rage and jealously builds in his chest. He has found lately that it never really goes, it is simply numbed by the alcohol or reduced to glowing ash by Magnus’ touch, ready to rise like a Phoenix the next time he catches Jem looking adoringly at the girl who has come into their lives and changed everything.

At first he thought he must have feelings for the girl, and even tried to kiss her to prove to himself that she was the object of his jealously. In his heart he knew the truth, he was not jealous of her affection towards Jem, but jealous that Jem returned her affection because he was desperately, achingly, and hopelessly in love with his Parabatai.

Will had loved Jem as a friend and brother for many years, yet it was only when it became apparent that Tessa was to become his first romantic interest that Will realised he loved him in that way too. He became, not only protective of Jem as he always had been, but possessive too. He wanted Jem in every way possible and although he knew Jem would never return his feelings he did not want anyone else to have him in a way that Will couldn’t.

But what was Will to do? He couldn’t confess his love to Jem and he couldn’t tell the other two teenagers to ignore their feelings for each other – not for any legitimate reasons that came to mind anyway. Therefore, the only option he could see was to drown out the anger and confusion within himself in any way possible. Which was how he found himself marching out the front doors of the institute with a bottle of whisky lifted from Henry’s not-so-secret stash, headed towards a familiar house on the Thames.

~~~

On the long, cold walk from the institute to Magnus’ Thames-side house, frequent mouthfuls of whisky had begun to calm Will’s rage and he found that even walking in the brisk night air, knowing he was going to see Magnus, had quelled the fire within him as much as the touch of the man himself usually did. Will realised that he was looking forward to seeing the Warlock and was aroused by the thought of exploring his lean, dark body.

Will smiled to himself. This trip would not be like the others. Their usual routine was one of Will pulling Magnus down on top of him on the couch in front of the fire in his study. Will would bury his face in Magnus’ hair and neck but would avoid kissing his mouth. Instead, Will would guide Magnus’ hand down to where he needed it, and with his years of experience Magnus would easily work him to sweet release. Magnus gained little from the exchange except the knowledge that he had helped, at least momentarily, to ease Will’s pain. This was sadly enough for the Warlock to keep obliging the boy every time he appeared on his doorstep.

After he regained his breath, Will usually made his excuses to leave, or simply left without giving any at all. He knew he was hurting the Warlock, he could see it in his beautiful feline eyes, but he couldn’t help himself. Magnus had become his drug, his painkiller and he couldn’t bear to sober up and be left with his pain.

But no more. Tonight, Will thought as his steps quickened in his eagerness to see the cat-eyed Warlock, he would try to make amends for some of the pain he had caused in trying to quell his own. Tonight he would kiss Magnus’ perfectly formed lips and taste him on his tongue. Tonight he would bring Magnus to blissful release before even considering his own pleasure. These and many more naughty thoughts were running through Will’s mind as he rang the doorbell, struggling to catch his breath from nearly running the last half mile and belatedly realising that he’d dropped his whisky somewhere along the way in his excitement.

~~~

Magnus groaned aloud when he heard the doorbell chime. Unless someone desperately needed Warlock assistance he imagined only one person would be on his porch on a cold and windy night like this. Magnus dragged his slippered feet to the front door, bracing himself to stand firm against the pain in those azure eyes. However, the eyes that met him when he opened the door, pulling his silk robe closed around his naked torso to try to find some protection from the chilling wind, were full not of pain, but instead of mischief and lust.

The eyes dragged down the length of his body and he noticed them hovering around his lips and again at his nipples that had been raised in the cold air and were clearly visible through the thin silk.

“William...” Magnus began, but he was cut off when two hands, both cold and hot at the same time from the chilly air and the blood pumping thorough them, landed on his chest and pushed him back inside his own house. Will must’ve kicked the door shut with his foot because Magnus felt two things happen at the same time - the frigid air stopped whipping at his face and a warm set of lips landed fully on top of his own.

Magnus was startled into stillness but after some gentle coaxing he began to kiss back. So long had he wanted to taste this beautiful boy on his tongue but as he parted his lips slightly to do just that, it was another taste that assaulted his senses – whisky. The surprise shook Magnus back to his senses and he pulled away from Will sharply, hands on the Shadowhunter’s shoulders to keep him from darting back in.

“What’s wrong?” asked Will, eyes showing confusion and the barest fear of rejection, “this is what you want. I know it is, I’ve seen it in your eyes every time I’ve come to you, and even before then, I’ve seen it since the day we met.”

Magnus sighed,

“I don’t deny, William, that I desire you. However, I can taste and smell the whisky that you must have drunk on the way over here in order to steel yourself to do something that you’ve avoided like Demon pox in the past.

Whether you feel indebted to me, or you pity me, I do not need the comfort of someone who has to get blind drunk to offer it to me.” Magnus let his hands slip from Will’s shoulders and with a deep sadness turned towards his study, knowing that Will was about to leave and likely would not come back after this humiliation.

“Goodbye William” he said softly over his shoulder.

~~~

Will wasn’t sure what had just happened. It was going so well! Kissing Magnus had been unlike any kiss he had experienced before and when the Warlock’s tongue has touched his own it was as if gunpowder had been ignited in his stomach. Then Magnus had pulled away, accused him of pity, and was now walking away from him, perhaps forever.

Will knew he had to act quickly if he had any hope of salvaging this relationship, which he had been too late to realise the full potential of. Will racked his, now very sober mind, to think of what to say. What could possibly convince Magnus of his genuineness in desiring him back? In the end will decided that the only thing to do was something that did not come very easily to him at all, tell the truth.

Magnus’ hand was on the door handle to his study, it was now or never.

“I’m in love” Will called down the hallway, shouted really in his panic. Magnus’ hand froze on the door handle, his head dropped and he slowly looked back over his shoulder. With that sad expression still resting on his handsome face, Magnus shook his head,

“You are not in love with me, Will.” he replied, but before he could turn back, Will responded,

“You’re right, I’m not.” That at least surprised the warlock and he stopped trying to turn back to his study for a moment. Will seized his opportunity and, taking a deep breath, said aloud the thing he thought he would always be too afraid to,

“I’m in love with Jem. My Parabatai. My brother, for lack of a better word.” Magnus’ eyes widened slightly at the confession but he stayed quiet, allowing Will to continue,

“My feelings for Jem have always been strong. He’s been my whole world for many years, but it was only when he started to show romantic inclinations towards our new friend Tessa that I realised how I truly felt. I am in love with him in every sense of the word and I know that I can never have him in that way for so many reasons. That is why I turned to you. I knew you wanted me and it felt good that someone did, someone that I thought I would never fall for and so I could have this sweet release without fear of more emotions ruining things.”

Will had been avoiding Magnus’ eyes for most of his speech but now he looked up to meet them, wanting Magnus to see the truth in his own for this next part,

“I’m sorry Magnus. I’m sorry that I used you in that way. But I’m not sorry that I came to you. Walking here tonight I realised that I was looking forward to seeing you. Not just for the brief release you’ve offered me in the past, but because I enjoy your company. I enjoy talking with you, I enjoy being intimate with you and I wish to do both things more.”

Will took one final deep breath, Magnus’ face was unreadable, his shrewd feline eyes taking everything in but giving nothing away, he knew this was his last chance,

“I may not love you Magnus, not the way I love Jem, but maybe that is because I don’t know you as well as I know him. What I can say for certain is that I like you very much and I would like the opportunity to get to know you better” some of the mischievous gleam returned to Will’s eyes, which had dimmed during his serious speech, “and when I say that I desire you, it is not through pity or guilt or anything other than what it is, desire. Now, will you please remove yourself from your high horse and allow me to make my own decisions because I have decided that I would like to kiss you again, and then I would like to take you into your study and have my wicked way with you, perhaps for hours.”

Magnus once again found himself shocked to stillness. Will’s monologue had been quite the stormy sea of emotions ending on what was a very tempting proposition. Magnus couldn’t lie to himself and say he was surprised about Will’s original intentions with him, he knew that the Shadowhunter had been using him from the start. However, nor could he say that he was hurt by Will’s confession of love for another man and his lesser feelings for Magnus. In fact, he found Will’s truth rather refreshing and he agreed that they did not yet know each other well enough to throw around words like love. But, like Will, he wanted them to know each other that well, he wanted to explore Will’s body while his mind was fully engaged and not elsewhere as is had been in the past and he wanted to explore Will’s mind with equal fervour  as he really was quite a fascinating boy.

Lost in his thoughts Magnus realised that he was still standing opposite a beautiful, yet nervous looking Shadowhunter.  The longer Magnus had stayed silent the more Will’s smirk had slipped from his face. Magnus didn’t want to see that glimmer disappear from his eyes again, so, figuring that Will had said everything that needed to be said and there was really no talking left to do on the matter he simply reached behind himself to open his study door, careful not to take his eyes away from Will’s. Then, with a smile and a flash of his eyes, he stepped to the side and gestured into the room with a dramatic flourish of his long arm,

“After you then, William.”


End file.
